Road to Perdition
by Odyssion
Summary: Gai believed that they would be rivals forever but in the end he finds that his friendship with Kakashi is nothing more than a beautiful, inevitable disaster.


**Road to Perdition**

_Disclaimer:_ Naruto is not mine. I'm simply borrowing the characters to play with for a while.

_Author's Notes:_ This one has been sitting on my hard drive for a while until I recently rediscovered it. The whole concept behind this story is a spin on the Gai/Kakashi friendship and the choices Kakashi would have made concerning his students if put on the spot. Not yaoi – this pairing would scare me a smidge. Death, destruction, and mayhem lie ahead. Timeline is way in the future, AU (obviously). Comments, as ever, are appreciated and cherished!

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They met in the time of young men, of boys who had barely crossed the threshold into manhood. Kakashi hadn't exorcised his demons by then but he'd left them far enough behind so that they met as equals, as jounin, not as an assassin and a shinobi that saw the light of day. The first time Gai saw this man-child under his frumpy hair and mysterious mask, he wondered how a lackadaisical shinobi like that ever survived to see his 20th birthday.

It was through a bizarre set of circumstances that they were roomed together and Gai was at first apprehensive about sharing a space with what he referred to as the living dead. Instead, what he found was that his new roommate wasn't what one normally called neat, that he liked to cook breakfast himself, and that he had a shrewd sense of humour behind his somewhat silly disguises. His apprehension eased as he discovered that the man was perfectly normal, save for his frequent and extended walks in the afternoons. Gai never asked where he went and Kakashi never explained. There were other quirks, small things, but after a few weeks they merely became mundane happenstances. For all intents and purposes, it didn't take long for them to become accustomed to each other.

They became friends. It was an eccentric companionship at best and they will be the first ones to admit it. Gai began to find out things about his roommate: about his father, the Sharingan and Obito, the Yondaime, and was reaffirmed in his belief that it was a miracle Kakashi managed to survive for so long. He thought he understood, for the first time, where Kakashi went when the sun began to set. He found himself telling the other man secrets he had never told anyone, all his mistakes and dreams. Something in that pre-maturely aged face, ever smiling, invoked a sense of trust. In those days Gai truly believed, given his track record, that Kakashi was indestructible.

One night Kakashi returned from an extremely long walk muttering something about running into "that boy", and they binge drink until the wee hours of the night before the whole story poured out of him. It didn't take long for Gai to figure it out. He knew that Kakashi knew that it wasn't Naruto's fault, so instead he said nothing and simply ensured that there was no shortage of sake. When Kakashi woke up embarrassed the next morning, Gai proclaimed that it had been a competition, and that Kakashi had won. He vowed to never give up until he had proven his skills, realizing for the first time that his roommate was much more fragile than he seemed.

"Eternal Rivals," he'd said, because something in Kakashi's eyes denied the promise of tomorrow.

From then on they were the inseparable. There were no lovers and no closer friends. Occasionally there was the necessary physical encounter, the kind Kakashi needed so desperately after some of his most secretive missions. These happenstances all occurred outside the realm of their abode, and so long as there were no lasting repercussions, Gai had never found the need to question his roommate's judgment. In love as in everything else they were complete opposites. Gai was ever dutiful in his search for "The One" while Kakashi was never lonely with his phantoms, never searching for anything in the domain of the living. When Kakashi slipped too far into the world of the dead, Gai found it within his ability to invent the most ludicrous activities for them to compete in. His roommate would berate him with an irritated sort of patience but Gai could always see the shadow of a smile under the dark fabric and knew Kakashi was grateful.

And then they became teachers. Their lives had never been on parallels before but this was something that they could share. Gai taught and passed some impressive students while Kakashi just failed them all. It saved time, he said, instead of having to put up with brats. Gai didn't really think this was the reason, but one never knew with Kakashi. Entertainment came in the form of those orange-covered books, the contents of which were so appalling that he had stopped reading after the 5th page. Gai thought he bought them because he knew they wouldn't be touched, wouldn't be invaded and pried upon like everything else in his life. Questionable methods, perhaps, but he could understand the sentiment. He knew better than anyone how hard Kakashi strove for anonymity.

And then Gai found Lee, or Lee found him, but it didn't matter either way because he found in this boy all the promise of a future. Kakashi was disinterested in what he had to say and Gai's devotion to training his new student made them drift apart. Neji was brilliant and had so much potential he could've drowned in it, but Gai found he could not make a connection with this silent, shining boy. He knew that teachers weren't supposed to pick favourites; he did so anyway. Gai said Kakashi would one day understand when he found that one student that captured his dormant imagination.

And then Team 7 had happened, and while Gai liked being right, Uchiha Sasuke was a lethal poison for someone with Kakashi's sensibilities. He saw the glint of pride behind that familiar dark eye and knew that it was a dangerous path they were walking. Gai reflected on the Sandaime and Orochimaru, the choices of wiser men, and every time he tried to mention the subject, to form some sort of warning, the words became lodged stubbornly in his throat.

Back then he thought that he had no right to judge, but on this day it is too late for words left unsaid.

"Hello Kakashi," he says cheerily, closing the door behind him. Kakashi's mask is gone and Gai always feels like he's catching him off-guard somehow with his face in plain view, without his disguise.

"Gai. How nice of you to visit." He's no longer allowed the hitai-ate but as always only one of Kakashi's eyes crinkle. The other, for security reasons, has been sewn shut. Gai can see the prominent stitches from the thread of the standard medical kit, black and thick. Resting over the red and swollen wreck of Kakashi's eyelid, their inversed colours resemble desperate earthworms out of soil. Kakashi has only been kept in the holding cell for a few days but the overall effect seems to have added ten years to his solemn face.

Kakashi is propped up languidly on the single bench in the room, one leg dangling over the side. Gai moves forward to place a bento box on the surface, which Kakashi begins to unwrap gratefully, and takes several steps back to lean casually by the door.

"There aren't any utensils," Gai says by way of explanation when Kakashi searches the bottom of the package. "I'm sure you understand."

"Ah, of course." He speaks as if he has expected no less but is surprised all the same time. "Gives it flavour," Kakashi says mildly, picking up a piece of maki with his fingers and putting the morsel carefully in his mouth. Gai notes that even the way he eats is different; it is more hurried, forceful, but perhaps that is only because he doesn't have to pause to pull his mask out of the way.

"Sakura's been made Hokage, temporarily," he says, partly to fill the silence and partly because he thinks Kakashi has a right to know. "Her and Lee had to push the wedding back – it was supposed to be tomorrow, you remember? Of course, you would have been the first choice for the job, but the circumstances aren't quite right this time around."

The thought of Lee makes him stop for a moment. Lee can walk again, finally, after all these years. He remembers back to the time when Lee lost everything, when he lost Lee, and when Kakashi lost Sasuke. How intertwined their lives had been then. How similar the mistakes.

"I see," Kakashi says between bites, showing no emotion at the news. "I'm sure she's a fine Hokage."

"Naruto would've wanted you to be Hokage," Gai says, suddenly angry. "He would've liked that his sensei was Hokage after him." Naruto would have saved you, he wanted to say, and stopped himself from it just barely. He's sure Kakashi can figure out the irony on his own. Gai watches this man's impassive face, letting out a sigh of frustration. Kakashi's eyes are as distant as the moon and Gai has no doubt whatsoever what he's thinking of.

And he can picture that moment, one red eye gazing into two, recognition dawning after all these years of separation. Kakashi's hands caught in air, suspended in movement. Sasuke's lips pressing together in a thin line, the way they used to whenever Kakashi was around. Understanding will shatter the moment and there is only enough time for a breath, a quick exhale, one instant to make a choice. Sasuke's right foot moves almost imperceptibly forward, challenging. Kakashi stares, hard, calculating, taking in all the changes he has been denied the chance of observing. And then Sasuke is gone, vanished, while Kakashi stands resolute, frozen in his choice.

Moments later the news spreads that the Rokudaime, Uzumaki Naruto, has been murdered. Hatake Kakashi, the closest known jounin to the Hokage and the last Konoha jounin to see the enemy, shows no visible signs of battle.

Traitor, they said. Murderer.

Gai never mentions that Naruto probably didn't put up much of a fight. He was one of the few people who knew the Hokage's biggest regret, biggest sadness, was that he had managed to become Hokage when he had failed to save his best friend. Naruto would have thought it fitting that Sasuke had come back to kill him. Kakashi, making his choice, would have known this. Gai knows that Sakura has never visited Kakashi since, not because she never has time or because she is angry, but because this is a fact that she knows, too. Between two teammates and a sensei she didn't know whose life to value most anymore. Gai remembers back to the Chuunin exams when he distinctly saw Kakashi's burning pride. In the end, they were all to blame.

But regardless of the petty details of their lives, the people would have their justice. In his brief time the Rokudaime had become even more revered than the Yondaime. They would not shatter the illusions of thousands for the explanations of a single broken man.

"I wanted to keep him," Kakashi says softly, and Gai isn't sure if he's talking about 10 years or 10 days ago. The difference doesn't matter because Sasuke is long, long gone. "But I couldn't."

Kakashi smiles then, and it is so reminiscent of his old carefree self that Gai is slightly taken aback. How much self-mockery and hatred he must suffer, Gai thinks, gazing into his old friend's face. He doesn't bother to berate Kakashi or even ask him why. Would he have done any differently, he wonders, if the choice had been between Neji and Lee? In the end, Sasuke had left nothing for those who loved him. Would his love for Lee blind his better judgment, his obligations? He remembered Kakashi saying, the first night he had finally been bullied into teaching, how thankless a job it was to be a sensei. Gai can only hope it is a choice he will never have to make.

"Thank you for visiting," Kakashi says, his eye crinkling in that distinctive, saddened smile. Gai strikes his signature Nice Guy pose like in the good old days because he thinks Kakashi at least deserves that much.

"The score's 50-50, Kakashi," Gai reminds him, although they both know the tie will never be broken. He picks up the bento, now empty of its contents, and never looks back at the uncovered, swollen face so unlike that of the man who had been his best friend for so long.

It's how they choose to remember each other, years from the beginning.

-o-

"Remember this moment," someone had said when the Great War ended.

In the carnage and aftermath of battle and the funeral that follows the only thing he recalls is the image of a young boy on a hilltop, looking longingly at a face carved into a mountain. No expanse of sky, however vast, could match the loneliness of that gaze.

Gai places a single flower on Kakashi's grave, surprised and somehow sad that he is the one still living.

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**end**


End file.
